Former BIGBANG member and actor Choi Seung Hyun, better known as T.O.P, is finally speaking out about his past after more than a decade of silence. In a heartfelt interview on January 15, T.O.P admitted that he feels deep regret over his past actions, revealing that he "felt a lot of self-contempt" during his darkest days.
T.O.P, who is making his return to acting in Squid Game Season 2, sat down with reporters at a café in Samcheong-dong, Seoul. Playing the character Thanos in the new season, T.O.P’s return to the screen marks his first acting project in 11 years, following a major controversy back in 2016.
At that time, he was sentenced to 10 months in prison with two years of probation after being caught smoking marijuana at home. This led him to retreat from the public eye and reflect on his actions.
In 2019, T.O.P announced his retirement from Big Bang and publicly stated that he had no intention of returning to Korea. His sudden casting in Squid Game 2 sparked debates, with many wondering how his comeback would be received. But in the interview, T.O.P opened up about those very questions, acknowledging the controversies that followed him even before he made his return.
"I’ve been away for so long, 11 years, so I was cautious and had a lot of thoughts," T.O.P shared. "I came here with a heavy heart. I wanted to do this interview at the right time, but it got delayed. I’m sorry for that. Today, I’ll speak the truth about everything."
T.O.P also revealed why he chose to break his silence after so many years. "I had a lot of concerns and thought carefully about the timing. I thought it would be best to meet and do this interview face-to-face. To be honest, after such a long time, I was a bit scared. There was a lot of controversy even when I was first cast, and I wanted to use that time for self-reflection and to take responsibility for my actions."
Reflecting on his past mistakes, T.O.P admitted that he caused a lot of pain to those around him. "My past mistakes hurt a lot of people, especially my family and loved ones. I truly disappointed many people, including the other members of Big Bang," he said. "In my 20s, I had glorious moments and received so much love, but my downfall was a path I had never expected. It was a very dark time. I was really broken, and I didn’t have the strength to rise again. I even thought about quitting everything."
Looking back at his 30s, T.O.P admitted that it was a time of shame and self-reflection. "My 30s were truly lost," he confessed. "I went through a period of deep shame and self-contempt, but through making music, I healed. I want to share that music with my fans. That’s the only wish I have."
As T.O.P looks to the future, he shared his hopes for his 40s: "I imagine living a regular, solid life as a young man in South Korea. My biggest goal now is to live a stable life."
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